Aug 10, 20114 min read

A Pre-Teen Bedroom Story

Maeve helps a pre-teen gain control of a messy bedroom . #organizing

I recently spent an afternoon working with a pre-teen named Tim. His mom is a client and she asked me to stop by and spend some time with her son. She felt that he was not able to keep his #bedroom neat and worried about things getting worse next year when he went to a new school.

When I walked in the room I saw a typical pre-teen space: school project poster-boards on the wall, a bookshelf filled with science books and clothes tossed here and there, on the bed and on the floor. #teens

Tim seemed excited to have someone paying attention to him and his room and he proudly showed off his things: a fish tank on his desk, a Star Wars action figure collection and his martial arts books. Everything looked, actually, quite neat and clean. Other than some typical pre-teen collecting, it all looked good. The problem? Clothes were indeed sprawled everywhere. There was a clear disparity between how sloppily Tim kept his #clothing and how neatly he kept other things in his room. I was eager to learn why.

Hand-Me-Downs

When we opened the #closet, Tim made a face, and stopped sharing about his room. When I asked him to tell me about the items inside the reason for his new tone became clear: Tim’s closet was overrun by his brother’s hand-me-downs. And despite being large, Tim couldn’t use the closet fully as he was not tall enough to reach the top #shelves. Even if he could, or had a #stool for access, the shelves were not really for his use, as they were stuffed with more things that did not belong to Tim, including quilts and linens, even a guest air-mattress in a bag. #handmedowns

I see this a lot. A family makes use of a child’s top closet for overflow, on the logic that they can’t reach it, so why should it matter? But it does matter, as over time a child, even a small one, begins to learn that the closet is not their own. To a kid a closet can be a magical place. Even older kids love having a private closet -- a room within a room, so the speak -- all to themselves. I made a note to myself to chat with Tim's mom about possibly re-locating guest room items out of Tim’s closet. But first things first.

The Sort

With mom’s permission, Tim and I began a sort of clothes into my first go-to: creating piles in 'categories according to you'. I stood at the closet, pulling hanging items out one by one and holding each item before Tim. His job was simple: to tell me what each item meant to him. And as he did, we created #categories that helped to him to understand his unique his relationship to his clothes. #CATY

Before long Tim was beaming. He was having fun saying things like, “I wear that all the time,” or “That belonged to my brother Jack and got stuck in my closet” or “I used to like that but it doesn’t fit me anymore.” Once in awhile I got, “Oh, I love that!” or “That's cool, I totally forgot that was there!” Like a game, I kept Tim moving until we had categorized each and every one of his clothes. #story

It quickly became clear that Tim had a distinct fashion style, it was just very different from his sibling. So, while Tim was grateful to have fashionable older brother hand-me downs (like a hip leather jacket from Abercrombie Kids) he just couldn’t see himself wearing these things. In fact, the clothes in the 'that was Jack’s and I know I am supposed to like it but don’t' pile grew so large, the source of Tim’s clothing disorganization became clear: his closet was filled with clothes he neither liked nor ever thought to wear. And when a closet is in this condition, there's no incentive to put anything away.

As we wrapped, Tim and I recapped his piles and reduced them to three themes: 'Stuff I Love', 'Jack’s Old Stuff' and 'Stuff I’ve Outgrown'. We asked mom to come in.

The Chat

I explained my discovery to Mom, and the need make the entire closet accessible to Tim. What did she think? To our delight, she was thrilled. She did not realize that so many of her eldest son’s things were still in her youngest son’s closet, or even that he wasn't into them, in her mind they were just clothes. She was so happy that there was a simple solution to get things started, and to get Tim on the road to keeping a cleaner room. #communication

I see this a lot. Kids with an innate sense of order who fall short in one obvious area, and it shows up almost like a behavioral problem in the home. Tim’s mom couldn’t understand why her normally neat kid was so messy with his clothes, until we pointed out that there was more at play here than disobedience, he simply had no place to put his clothes away. And once his closet was fully opened up for use, his habits would likely change. #systems #routines

With mom on board, Tim learned that he could say 'no' to clothes he didn't like or no longer wears. And that a few hand-me downs he was into but could not wear yet, as they were too big, could live on a high shelf until he was ready, and no longer be in his way. After one more hour removing things then putting back only what was active in Tim's life, the closet transformed to reflect Tim's style. He was thrilled, and said, "I love having a place to hang my clothes. I didn’t do it before because there was no space. I like when my room is clean." #kidpower